Kids go through so many phases. We've been through everything from eating only one type of food to having to bring a certain toy with us everywhere to only wanting to be the blue game piece when playing games. There's the favorite show or song phase, the I don't like it phase, the I'm deaf and don't understand you phase, the my parents drive me nuts phase. Here are some of my "favorite" phases.
Some phases are cute, like Mischief's current magic lights phase. Every morning the Hubs leaves for work before dawn and on the mornings Mischief wakes up with us he likes to flick the porch lights on and off while Daddy's trying to get in the car. "I can see!! No, I can't. I can see!! No, I can't."
Some are not so cute, like Mischief's current poop at the grocery store phase. I am officially calling this a phase because the last FIVE times we have gone to Walmart, some time during my shopping he has blown a diaper out of existence. Last time we went he pooped on the hispanic and asian food aisle, which is always pretty crowded. I felt bad for the people downwind of us. Including myself because pushing the buggy meant I was perpetually downwind of him. I ended up pushing him kinda from the side a la Ace Ventura driving with his head hanging out the window. I think he's telling me he doesn't like Wally World. I know, Buddy, but we need cheap and that's where we get it.
Some are annoying, like Mayhem's current QUIT PUTTING YOUR JUNK ON EVERYTHING phase. Junk being his naughty bits. He's four and he's nude most of the time, so he has a penchant for putting his junk on anything and everything....and anyONE. Usually this pose involves passing gas on the victim as well...such as when I caught him sitting on his brother's head. He is very hard to dissuade when he gets on a roll because it's annoying, but it's funny. We have this problem when trying to get him to stop: "Quit *snicker* putting your junk *smile* on everything! *giggle* It's not funny! *snicker*" While we're telling him to quit with not-so-straight faces, he's dissolving in giggles. Like yesterday's incident. He just got out of the tub, so he's already in junk-touching attire...his birthday suit. He junks the baby and runs off. "Mayhem, don't put your junk on your brother." While I'm saying this, he giggles from behind me and I feel something swipe my back as I'm trying to pick up Mischief. "DID YOU JUST PUT YOUR JUNK ON ME?!?!?" Peals of laughter as he runs and does it to the bathroom door. "Quit touching everything with your junk!" He grabs the dog and junks him in the side. "I said stop. I'm not kidding." Huge smile & squeals of glee as he runs into the living room looking for his next victim. Cue Daddy. "You're not doing it right. You can't smile or laugh when you tell him to stop or he thinks you think it's funny and he'll keep doing it. Mayhem, STOP PUTTING YOUR JUNK ON EVERYTHING!!" Cue hysterical crying jag. Great. Even better.
Also seriously annoying: the trash-digging phase. Dogs and kids go through this one. Thankfully, the dog is out of it. Unfortunately, Mischief isn't. "Ugg bluh muh baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"* (*Translation: Here Mommy, I brought you a banana peel and a sticky yogurt container. Yay!!!") This phase also equates to when the cat kills one of those nasty translucent gekkos, beheads it, and brings you the twitchy corpse to be praised.
Some phases are just plain dangerous. Mayhem was a serious climber. As in climbing the A.V. tower at 15 months. "Hi Mommy!!" "GAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! how did you get up there?!?!" "Climb up!!"
Mischief prefers to eat things. ANY things. I know kids go through an oral phase, but this isn't mouthing. This is eating. Everything. And at 9 months and almost 22 lbs, trust me. He's not missing meals. His current favorites: Paper and cat cookies (dry cat food). Magazine of choice: National Geographic Kids. And it doesn't matter how closely I watch him. Random crap mysteriously materializes in his mouth. Like the foam pad tip off the end of a kid-sized robot arm grabber. I swear. We're going to rename the child Fingersweep.
Also, as a postscript, dog fur comes out the same way it goes in...kinda like corn.
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